THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU WAIT FOR THE BIG THING HAPPENING LATER THIS WEEK:
1. Decide which Golden Girl you are and why.
2. See how many words you can make out of “banana hammock.”
3. Try to braid your fingers.
4. Play hide and seek with your glasses.
5. Sit on your massaging bidet toilet.
6. Memorize the lyrics from Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.
7. Write "I'm the one who put the pickle in your backpack in fourth grade." on a piece of paper and mail it to a random address.
8. Do the Boot Scootin' Boogie to the mailbox and back. Make sure people see you or it isn't any fun.
9. Write down all the names of your past paramours in alphabetical order.